wingzeldacustom:

“so expensive..” i say but it’s actually not expensive i’m just broke

verysmalldeer:

nevecampbell:

I just wanna s*** some d***

HOW MANY DOGS ARE YOU LOOKING TO SELL

fratgod:

punnier:

i’m trying to think of cake puns but i got muffin

I’ve heard batter

twiabpaianlatfwnogf:

*sees a dog* *gasps loudly*

I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just talk to them, you know?
Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
Me: We cool?
Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
Me: So...can I get out now?
Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.

dj-baby-bokchoy:

hexfawn:

i made an aesthetic generator now you can discover urself

image

kanshu:

kanshu:

"how long have you been in a skype call"

"a while"

image

image

ace:

No one could ever hate me half as much as I don’t care

dearborns:

foxnewsofficial:

they should replace hospital gowns with colourful mexican ponchos because they’re kinda similar and no one could be sad 

if we’re gonna die let’s die looking like a peruvian folk band

my sarcasm is at it’s best when I hear a stupid question

ourworstcasescenario:

I look so freaking good today

broccoliavenger:

meulins-choice-ass:

87daysbefore:

me: 

image

you:

image

Lemon is someone out  theres favorite.

thats the most uplifting thing ive read all day

naked-mahariel:

i want this on a t-shirt

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